Being apart

Sometimes I think we’ve gotten too used to being apart. I’ve known you slightly less than half my life, and in all those years, we’ve stayed apart. We have our own homes, our own space. I think we’ve grown so comfortable having our own private realms that the thought of living together seems too distant, like something we’d consider only as a whim. We’re unwilling to give up what privacy we have to forge a new life together, one that places us in the unnatural circumstance of sharing a space together.

How do some couples do it, give up their old lives? How do they give up their space? It is something they relinquish, is it not? Privacy is so important, so greatly treasured. To me it is, at least. It is unnatural, living together. Having shared common spaces is one thing, but to share all spaces, that can be stressful. Couples sleep worse when they sleep together – the sleep is disturbed by differing sleep patterns and the minutest things that irritate the sleeping partner. In the long run, this can be detrimental. Sometimes, the magic that is love is dulled by spending too much time together, however one tries to keep this at bay.

Knowing these, why would people do it? Is it that the love they have for their partner is more than the love they have for themselves? And by this argument, does it tell you something about us? Is it just a societal norm? Why can’t married people live apart and have their own separate lives? They can still meet each day, and part at the end of the day, to give each other breathing space, time to reflect and time to miss each other. That is what we do now. Why change what works?

I would love to have a space of my own, where I can decide what my fridge will have and whether my water is fresh. I would like my own fridge. And my own kettle. And my own everything, so I don’t have to answer to anyone, even if the person is you. However much I love you, this bit will still be true. I would love to be able to sleep when I feel like, and do whatever I feel like when I feel like. I sometimes feel couples are obliged to keep their sleep structures the same, for sanity’s sake as well as for the ease of logistics. Why, though? Is it merely because it’s more socially acceptable? So that when people ask, not saying “oh we sleep at different times” is normal? People have different sleep schedules. It’s unnatural to force people into the same sleep schedules if it’s not needed (like it is when children are involved – and that is another huge one to talk about). If I’m going about the house 2 hours after you sleep, would I not disturb you? Or you, me, when you wake earlier than I?

Sometimes I wonder what it’ll be like to share a home with you. Other times, I fear it’ll be the ruination of us. Is this because we’re so used to being apart? Or is it because it’s unnatural to live together? I’d like to think it’s the latter. That way, I don’t feel so out of place in this world.

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